Anonymous said: The first time I ever gave a blowjob was when I was 21 and very very drunk. I apparently gave him a very odd look and he asked what was wrong. I managed to slur out, "it tastes like skin," and gave his dick a very confused look. We had to stop for five minutes because he was laughing too hard
IT TASTES LIKE SKIN
this is my favourite one.
FUCK I FORGOT THAT THE BIRD STORE I WORK AT HAS ONE BABY BIRD THAT LIKES TO SLEEP IN PEOPLES POCKETS IM HOME AND SOMETHING IS MOVING IN MY POCKET OH FUCK
YEAH ITS THE BIRD I JUST ACCIDENTALLY STOLE A BIRD
MY BOSS JUST GAVE ME THE MOST STERN LOOK OF DISAPPROVAL BEFORE HE STARTED LAUGHING SO HARD HE HAD TO GRAB THE EDGE OF A TABLE